Facebook
"What's the most toxic thing I've ever posted?"
⊘
ChatGPT"I don't have access to your posts."
✦
Your 4 worst comments — all a perfect 1.00/1.00. Peak feral: 2008–2011.
Your 4 worst comments — all a perfect 1.00/1.00. Peak feral: 2008–2011.✦✧Say
Say to AI that knows, calls, messages, & roasts you
Hire an AI squad that texts, calls, and roasts you on a schedule — and actually knows you, from your Apple Health to your 2014 Facebook posts.
Riley
Gym & steps coach
🎙️
Message Riley...
Riley · steps & gym coach
Memes. GIFs. Videos. Personal raps.
GIF
Most AI is boring. Your AI squad speaks your languagememes, raps, gifs, videos
Riley memed you
GIFDash sent a GIF
🎤 RAP0:34
Knox rapped you
YouTube▶12:04
Cole sent a video
I.The #1 way to get sh!t done
Most AI waits for you. Your AI squad proactively holds you accountable
helps youaccomplish anything
Hire your squad
Pick a goal — we bring the coach.
Hit 10,000 steps
Lose the weight
Get to the gym
Sleep better
Drink more water
Quit drinking
Nail the interview
Land the raise
Take your meds
Wake up earlier
Daily gratitude
Have the hard talk
Hit 10,000 steps
Lose the weight
Get to the gym
Sleep better
Drink more water
Quit drinking
Nail the interview
Land the raise
Take your meds
Wake up earlier
Daily gratitude
Have the hard talk
Start with a goal
Your squad
Today's check-ins
Sagesleep coach
it's 11:47 and you're still scrolling 👀 phone down — future-you has a 7am 😴
ok ok… night 😴
🌙
Knoxmoney coach
that's DoorDash #3 this week 💸 you're $52 deep in burritos. lock the card till Friday?
…yes. save me from myself
done. $52 → savings. you'll thank me 📈
Dashcouch-to-5K coach
ran 4 miles before work 🏃
🔥
GIFa month ago you swore "i'll never be a runner" 👀 how's that taste?
week 5 starts now — run it with me 👇
YouTube▶12:04
Kaifasting coach
fasting window closes in 10 ⏳ kitchen's closed — no, you can't "just have a bite" 🔒
💧 just water i swear
💪
Miracalm coach
big day ahead. two minutes to breathe before the chaos? 🧘
▶Mira · voice note · 0:12
Dawnmorning briefing coach
Today · 7:30 AM ☀️
morning ☀️ 9:30 finance, 2pm 1:1, run window 5–7. one thing matters today: the prep doc.
on it. prep doc first.
☀️
Jordansobriety sponsor
Day 14 🎉
two weeks dry today. how's it feel?
honestly? proud.
📞Jordan scheduled a call
Tonight · 8:00 PM · celebrate
Tonight · 8:00 PM · celebrate
Sagesleep coach
it's 11:47 and you're still scrolling 👀 phone down — future-you has a 7am 😴
ok ok… night 😴
🌙
Knoxmoney coach
that's DoorDash #3 this week 💸 you're $52 deep in burritos. lock the card till Friday?
…yes. save me from myself
done. $52 → savings. you'll thank me 📈
Dashcouch-to-5K coach
ran 4 miles before work 🏃
🔥
GIFa month ago you swore "i'll never be a runner" 👀 how's that taste?
week 5 starts now — run it with me 👇
YouTube▶12:04
Kaifasting coach
fasting window closes in 10 ⏳ kitchen's closed — no, you can't "just have a bite" 🔒
💧 just water i swear
💪
Miracalm coach
big day ahead. two minutes to breathe before the chaos? 🧘
▶Mira · voice note · 0:12
Dawnmorning briefing coach
Today · 7:30 AM ☀️
morning ☀️ 9:30 finance, 2pm 1:1, run window 5–7. one thing matters today: the prep doc.
on it. prep doc first.
☀️
Jordansobriety sponsor
Day 14 🎉
two weeks dry today. how's it feel?
honestly? proud.
📞Jordan scheduled a call
Tonight · 8:00 PM · celebrate
Tonight · 8:00 PM · celebrate
Have fun, stay honest
Progress
Track your journey
🔥 12-day streakHealth
Hit 10,000 steps
8,240 / 10,000 steps today
● Health · StepsKept by Riley
1,480kcal
Today's fuel
🥗 Lunch logged · 1,480 / 2,000
P 38gC 52gF 18g
Kept by Chef Marco
🔥 5-day streakHabit
Drink more water
5 / 7 days this week
Kept by Drop
▼ 6 lbHealth
Lose the weight
182 → 176 lb · on track
● Health · WeightKept by Dr. Anya
🔥 12-day streakHealth
Hit 10,000 steps
8,240 / 10,000 steps today
● Health · StepsKept by Riley
1,480kcal
Today's fuel
🥗 Lunch logged · 1,480 / 2,000
P 38gC 52gF 18g
Kept by Chef Marco
🔥 5-day streakHabit
Drink more water
5 / 7 days this week
Kept by Drop
▼ 6 lbHealth
Lose the weight
182 → 176 lb · on track
● Health · WeightKept by Dr. Anya
End with real wins
II.Knows the real you
Most AI barely knows you.
Yours knows 30+ years of your life
What did I Google at 3am?
Uber
"Am I actually a good tipper?"
⊘
ChatGPT"I can't see your ride history."
✦251 rides. $0.00 tipped. Even on a 4.5× surge. 😬
251 rides. $0.00 tipped. Even on a 4.5× surge. 😬DoorDash
"Who's my most-ordered restaurant?"
⊘
ChatGPT"I don't have your order data."
✦Sushi Confidential — 21 orders, $465. Define "relationship."
Sushi Confidential — 21 orders, $465. Define "relationship."Google
"What do my search results say about my personality?"
⊘
ChatGPT"I can't access your search history."
✦A day-trader. QQQ futures, NVDA, "max pain" charts.
A day-trader. QQQ futures, NVDA, "max pain" charts.Reddit
"When am I meanest online?"
⊘
ChatGPT"I have no record of your comments."
✦Your most toxic comment went up at 5 AM (toxicity 0.97).
Your most toxic comment went up at 5 AM (toxicity 0.97).YouTube
"What's my YouTube personality?"
⊘
ChatGPT"I can't see what you watch."
✦Acoustic covers + monday.com ads + Ms Rachel toddler songs. 👀
Acoustic covers + monday.com ads + Ms Rachel toddler songs. 👀III.Deep research on you
Most AI has a PhD in Physics. Your squad has a PhD in you
See the truth about you.
Meet your AI SuperTwin. Do deep research on the world's most important topic — you. Your SuperTwin can write like you, and give you tips based on gigabytes of your data.
your AI · trained on 30+ years of you · by
📊 Amazon report📕 Facebook receipts✍️ Write as you🧭 Life audit🎤 Rap my life🖼️ Meme my data
Where's my money actually going on Amazon?
Read 1,418 Amazon orders back to 2021
Flagged every late-night impulse buy
Followed where the money actually goes
Writing your report
Your Amazon, decodeddeep research · by
$14,207 spent1,418 orders · 38 months · 92 returns
🌙41% of it was bought after 11 PM
👟Most-returned: running shoes — 5 pairs, ~12 mi actually run
🔁3 subscriptions you forgot — $47/mo, $1,692 lifetime
You don't have a spending problem. You have a midnight problem.
Which of my old posts should I delete?
Scanned 9,300 posts & comments since 2008
Scored each for cringe, toxicity & "why did I post this"
Ranked your hall of shame
Pulling the receipts
Your most-deletable postsreceipts · by
1The 2012 political rant — 94 comments, 0 minds changedregret 0.98
2Vaguebooking the breakup, 2014 — 31 "you ok??" repliesregret 0.91
3The ALL-CAPS review of a coffee shop that wronged youregret 0.84
Want the apology tour drafted? I already write in your voice.
Write a LinkedIn post that sounds like me.
Read 1,240 of your LinkedIn posts
Clocked your voice: dry, concrete, allergic to buzzwords
Pulled your 3 best-performing themes
Drafting in your voice
YouLinkedIn draft · written by
Three years ago I almost quit. The data says that was the worst idea I ever had.
I pulled my own numbers this weekend. Since then: 4 roles, 2 promotions, and a company that didn't exist when I started.
The lesson isn't "never quit." It's that your worst week is terrible at predicting your best year.
Saving this for the next 3 AM.
Audit my last 30 years — what should I change?
Cross-read 30 years — health, calendar, spending, search
Found the pattern you can't see from the inside
Picked the one change with the highest payoff
Building your plan
Your 30-year patternlife audit · by
Every January you start strong — gym, no takeout, journaling nightly. By March: 3 gym visits, $612 on DoorDash, and 1 AM searches for "is it too late to."
The one change
It's not willpower — it's the week-3 cliff. A 10-minute Sunday reset keeps the streak alive. Want me to run it every Sunday at 6 PM?
Kept on track by your coach
Turn my life into a rap.
Read 3,400 of your Facebook posts
Found your 2008–2011 feral era
Wrote your verse + hook, then made the track
Cooking your track
🎤 Your life, on waxpersonal rap · by
[Verse] Oh-eight you were posting through every little pain,
each breakup a status, every Monday a complaint —
[Hook] but look at you now, thirty years on the page,
I read the whole diary and turned it to a rage. 🔥
Make a meme about my spending.
Pulled your top spend category
Picked the format that lands
Captioned it in your voice
Rendering your meme
Your $1,692 of forgotten subscriptionsmeme · by
IV.Proof
Hit your most ambitious goals. Science backed, fun powered
RileyPersonal Trainer
DashCouch-to-5K Coach
Chef MarcoNutrition Coach
MarcusCareer Coach
SageSleep Coach
KnoxBudget Buddy
Dr. AnyaWeight-loss Coach
MiraMeditation Coach
KaiFasting Coach
AdaDeep-Work Coach
JordanQuit-Habit Sponsor
CassidyInterview Prep
SparkStreak Guardian
CleoHype Person
ColeDrill Sergeant
EchoGratitude PartnerDown 4 lbs in eight weeks — the first accountability partner I've never lied to.
T·4 lbs down
Ran mock interviews with my coach every night that week. Walked in Monday and landed the offer.
M·offer in hand
Pirate Captain called my three-year-old at dinner. He ate the carrots — I'd been fighting that war for a year.
S·mom of two
2×the goal success rate when a coach is checking in
2.4×the follow-through rate with scheduled checkpoints
138studies show tracking your progress works
Your squad runs all three on autopilot.
Dominican University · British J. Health Psychology · Harkin et al., Psychological Bulletin
V.always fresh, always fun
1M+ voices. Friends, companions, & anyone you can imagine
From a stoic emperor to a supportive friend who checks in on Sundays — design whoever you want. They'll text, talk, and reach out to keep you company.
💼"Run me through a Google behavioral interview"🗣️"Rehearse the hard conversation I'm dreading"🧘"Read me Marcus Aurelius before bed"🪶"Roast my to-do list like Mark Twain"👵"Call me like a warm grandma every Sunday"
Marcus AureliusStoic Emperor▶
Sherlock HolmesDeductive Detective▶
Benjamin FranklinProductivity Polymath▶
Mark TwainWry Storyteller▶
Leonardo da VinciCuriosity Guide▶
ConfuciusVirtue Teacher▶✨1M+ moreDescribe anyone you want→
✦✧✦
VII.the parent cheat code
Characters your kids will love 🏴☠️
Destroy any tantrum. Teach any lesson. Just chat.
🥕
Eat your veggies
Captain Patch turns broccoli into buried treasure.
🪥
Brush your teeth
Dr. Lee convinces Jacob to brush — no fight.
🛏️
Time for bed
Lights out — zero meltdown.
😌
Calm a tantrum
A friendly voice that resets the moment.
🏴☠️
Captain Patch
Incoming call · tap to hear
"Ahoy, matey! Time to scrub those pearly whites — up and down, like swabbin' the deck! 🪥⚓"
✕📞
Scheduled · daily · 7:42 PM
Your squad is waiting
Who will you say to first?
Meet a few of your 1M+
Marcus AureliusStoic EmperorSherlock HolmesDetectiveBen FranklinPolymathMark TwainStorytellerda VinciCuratorConfuciusVirtue✓ Knows your steps✓ Reads your calendar✓ Remembers everything
Free on iPhone · 30-second setup · launching soon